The Beginning

Am I suppose to write from the beginning, beginning or just my infertility beginning? Hmmm.... I think I will start from the true beginning because with more details, comes more understanding.

My name is Simone (which of course you can tell by reading my profile information). I am the practical, unspoiled middle child of three total children. I graced this earth late October of 1991. My older brother is the wild child and my little sister is the bane of my existence. I am and was the nerdy, quiet child. I am my father's daughter. I love him tremendously, though he is rarely seen. I am my mother's daughter. I love her unconditionally. All that I am and ever hope to be I owe to her.

I attended various schools, eventually graduating from Rock Hill High school in June 2009. I attended Winthrop University. After three grueling years filled with summer school, extra full semesters, and a botched study abroad trip to Queensland, Australia, I graduated cum laude in May 2012. I earned a B.A. in psychology with a minor in health care management. I completed a semester internship at my local Department of Juvenile Justice, which I enjoyed tremendously.

In the fall of my first year of high school (2006) at the tender age of 14, I met my future husband: Willie Gaston IV. He is the child of my mother's now ex best friend. He is my soul mate, my love, my best friend, my opposite, my better half, the future victim of my inevitable murder plot, and the future father of my precious children. We started dating December 14th. Upon my high school graduation at 17, I moved out with him. From then on, I began to lie to him by telling him that we would be married by the time I was 18. It would take two more extra years. We were married on December 14th, 2011 at the York Wedding Chapel in York, SC. It was very small since we were young and broke, but still beautiful, meaningful, and oh so precious. Our wedding night consisted of falling asleep from exhaustion because of work and moving to a new apartment. The next day, there was no honeymoon but simply another workday. This year, our 2nd wedding anniversary, will be marked with a five day Jamaica cruise with family porting out of Miami, FL. Finally a much needed vacation/honeymoon!

We decided in January of 2012 that we would try to conceive. I was on birth control since the age of 14, therefore we knew it would take time. I discussed this with my doctor and the plan was then started. I wanted a child so bad, but at the same time I sighed with relief every month when I was not pregnant. As a year passed, which my doctor said was the minimum wait for the birth control to lose effect, we (rather I), became impatient. I realized that I was at the point in my life where a child would be welcomed. I craved a baby, a major change, a creation of our making. When we were first married, everyone believed we were pregnant. After trying, trying, and trying again, my frustration was to the breaking point. Whenever someone asked about us "finally having some babies", I would tersely inform them that we couldn't. It was here in these situations that everyone would tell us (mostly me) that it would happen eventually when the time was right.  After a year, I began to research infertility. I found useful websites like thebump.com, REACH, RESOLVE, etc... It was on these sites that I stumbled across the infertility definition: the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive.  If you are over the age of 35, the time of trying to conceive is reduced to 6 months. In my heart, I knew this was us. My head and my husband tried so hard to deny it, but this was indeed our inconceivable truth. From that point on ( around late February of this year), I began to inform everyone that we were infertile. Still, we got the right time and how young we are speeches, but what they did not understand was that every month that we did not conceive was torture. They did not understand that this journey breaks me down and makes it hard for me to breathe. It makes me feel like we are failing and that I am so undeserving/unworthy. It has me wondering am I broken? I am a practical, way too put together person and this painful journey has shattered my world into a million pieces. Life was suppose to have a plan, yet because of this infertility mystery here we are without one.....